I've been thinking about this post for a while, and, hey, today is gray and dreary and kind of gross (where I am, at least), and so why the hell not! I hereby declare this the TOTALLY REASONABLE* DEMANDS MEME.

My TOTALLY REASONABLE DEMANDS for today include:

• a nap,
• a kitten,
• sunshine,
• not to have to teach tomorrow,
• Gerard Way,
• for my students' paragraphs to grade themselves,
• a job in January,
• for the heat in my office to work more reliably,
• for Chicago and Boston to be closer together, AND to live in one of those two places,
• more coffee.

What about you, livejournal? What are your TOTALLY REASONABLE DEMANDS for today? Or for life in general, idk.

*for varying values of "reasonable"

eta:
e: *whines*
a: we can have a whining chorus
e: yes!
e: and with that, we can...do something.

Hello, yuletide writer! I have never done this before, which means that you are not competing against the ghosts of Yuletide Stories Past; absolutely anything you write me will make me really happy simply by virtue of being a story! in one of these fandoms! written for me!

But in the interests of giving helpful prompts, here is some more information:

Generally:

I don't care for: death, pining that doesn't get resolved, rape, torture and abuse.

I like: shenanigans, snappy dialogue, domesticity, porn, stories about characters teaching and learning, stories with kittens in them, stories with babies in them, obliviousness, awkwardness, pining that gets resolved, roadtrips, bodyswap, genderswap, epistolary fic, cuddling (for warmth or otherwise), threesomes and moresomes, stories with sex toys in them, shenanigans.

...obviously some of these work better in some fandoms than others (if you wrote me Tamir/Ki roadtrip fic I would be...surprised. But also pretty pleased, actually!), but hopefully that gives you the gist, at least?

( by fandom: castle, tamir trilogy, middleman!, whip it )

In conclusion, thank you very kindly! And I am pretty much insanely excited to read anything you write. ♥

A) during our pre-reading discussion for a poem by René Philombe, one of my students brought up the good old "eskimos have 30000 words for snow!" thing, talking about how language "warps your brain*". I had a moment of LINGUIST FURY where I brainvomited about Sapir-Whorf and polysynthetic languages and the eurocentric (indo-euro-centric?) bias of early-1900s linguistic fieldwork.

...and then I looked up and my whole class was going o____O at me. WHOOPS. I took some deep breaths, and now I'm feeling better, but damn, I miss actually getting to study linguistics.

B) On the other hand, I looked ahead to the next chapter to start my lesson planning, and HOLY SHIT WE GET FUTUR PROCHE NEXT CHAPTER HECK YESSSSSSS. It combines the irregular verb aller with the infinitive of all the other verbs we know and gives us the FUTURE. How is that not awesome? I did a little dance when I saw the chapter heading, ngl, which is how I know that I am in fact on the right track with my life.

C) Current plan of attack in re: halloween party is to get cat ears from CVS on my way home, dress in black, staple a caption to my shirt and go as a lolcat. On the one hand, it's not very awesome; on the other hand, I'll settle for not actually being naked. Other frontrunners: cover myself in screenshots of porn and cats and go as the internet; wear leggings as pants and a disaffected sneer and go as "kids these days".

*his words, not mine.

( lol oral; work babble )

IN OTHER NEWS, I have been invited to a Halloween party! And Halloween is...the day after tomorrow! It's being thrown by some of the grad students I work closely with, and while I am fairly certain that they all secretly hate me, I am also pretty certain that I am being neurotic and incorrect in my opinions, and also that social interaction is good for me. So I need a Halloween costume! internet, what should I be for Halloween that is a) cheap and b) not too labor-intensive? I thought about wearing leggings as pants and a wretched plaid shirt and going as my students, but that might be a joke that would only be funny to me, and also I'd have to wear leggings as pants, which, NO.

Come talk to meeeeeeee, internet. Other acceptable topics: Middleman, Castle, Farscape, Whip It; any and all crossovers between the aforementioned fandoms; lol ORAL.

The problem with LJ: We all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about one another. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

rl-shenanigans update: was in boston (\o/), am now NOT in boston (boooooo), am probably going to try to get over to chicago at...some point?, am still not getting anything written (but hope to change that soon?), am still only sort of getting shit done w/r/t future plans (but am DEFINTELY going to kick that into high gear pretty soon), am tinhatting john crichton and aeryn sun HARDER THAN ANY PAIRING EVER* WHAT THE HELLLLLLL, am still living in my parents' basement and basically okay with that fact, am still mostly loving my job (and still love to complain about it). Still bad at commenting; still love your faces.

Oral exams this week! Let's see how many terrible jokes I can make about this fact. (HINT: probably more than any of you really want to hear.)



*with the exception of etben/jai, which is my otp to end all otps. ♥

I keep thinking about posting, and then realizing that I don't have anything interesting to say, and then not posting, and then feeling like, since I haven't posted in a while, I need to say something EXTRA interesting to make up for the radio silence, but I don't have anything interesting to say, much less something extra-special, and so I don't say anything.

But, hey, I exist! Great plans are...not really afoot? I am pretty intensely boring these days; I...knit a lot? and I've been sewing again, and reading books with actual pages, and planning lessons and teaching classes and being perplexed by my students (most of whom are actually awesome! ...but some of whom are the most special of special snowflakes). And grading! Oh, the grading.

For the most part I continue to adore my job! There are aspects of it that I find really frustrating—the way that the department is structured, and the occasionally STUNNING demonstrations of privilege-related fail (in myself, in the students, in my colleagues and my supervisors)—but there have also been some awesome moments. Guys, education is awesome *_____*

Today they have their second chapter test! NGL, I think I am actually more nervous than some of them are—what if they forget how demonstrative adjectives work? did we spend enough time on some of the weirder vocabulary? Did the kid from Brazil actually study, or is he just going to write in Portuguese again and hope I don't notice the difference? AGGLE. Plus I can't actually write any lesson plans for the next chapter until I get the homework sheets; the course is centrally coordinated, so while I have to make my own lesson plans, the day-to-day organization of topics is handed down to me—except for how it hasn't been, yet.

SO HEY. I used to do this thing called...writing? And I would not be opposed to doing it again! So prompt prompts: best bets are probably Middleman-related shenanigans, but I am, has oft been noted, pretty easy.

THIS GIRL! \o/

*twirls*

Dear self of several months ago,

Could you possibly have been less specific in your list of Middleman stories you wanted me to write? Don't get me wrong, it's great to have the list, and some of the stuff there is extremely useful, but then I get to things like the one with the evil french teacher and the one with the non-denominational winter holiday party! and the one with the collective of personalities and also mm in a coma and I am just - I'm not sure where to go from there, you know?

the one with hot sex in the changing room is pretty self-explanatory, I'll admit, but I'm a little confused as to why you think that will only be ONE story. I mean, really now.

Much love,

etben

*

Dear self of this morning,

Staying on site on your weekend off and writing MM fic instead of going to the Mall of America: one of the better decisions you've made. A+ deciding-stuff skills!

Love,

etben

*

Dear self of this afternoon,

Hope you enjoyed the nap that I'm about to take. Sorry about the total lack of doing laundry.

best,

etben

True story: I sing my cabin lullabies most every night, heavy on the long-as-crap voyageur canoeing songs and the Hush Sound, with a few show tunes and other bits of this and that thrown in. To commemorate the month we've spent together, they asked if I could teach them a song; I told them sure, and that they should pick one of the songs I'd sung them and let me know which one so that I could brush up on my lyrics.

Their choice? Northwest Passage.

I can hear you laughing from up over here, Canada fandom.

Poll #1424476 many other Americans are suspicious of it
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 28

Vernors!

GUYS, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE CORRECT RESPONSE TO THIS QUESTION.

Since getting home at about 2pm today, I have ( been, um. BUSY. )

Guys, I don't even KNOW what's going on. Or, well, I do: I have to be OUT OUT OUT of this apartment tomorrow, and even though my flight doesn't leave until 4pm (and my last class of the day ends at 11:30), I am being UBERtidy just in case something disastrous occurs and I, like, lose all capacity for rational thought. I have a to-do list for tomorrow that includes such STAGGERINGLY INSIGHTFUL instructions as go to school (take stuff back!). Because, you know, I'm totally going to forget to do that.

Dear hindbrain: there is nothing left to wash! now will you kindly SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP.

BUT now I am going to take the tea I just made myself and sit on the (functional!) futon in my PJs and read Middlesex. For all that it is not actually a book about the True Love of Wendy Watson, her roommate, and her boss, it is pretty awesome! So that's nice.

Also, ATTENTION CHICAGO: I am going to hit your fair city like an awesomenado (a tornado made of awesome!) sometime around 8pm tomorrow evening! I have non-negotiable Things going on Thursday morning, and unspecified Shenanigans (involving at least impertinence and inbetweendays, but theoretically open to all!) for...I think we said Thursday evening? and then I have a bus out of town on Saturday afternoon. In between then, we should totally hang out! My goals for this span of time include but are not limited to: going to a diner, eating sushi, drinking alcohol, hanging out, making shoemaster watch The Middleman, and being ridiculous. LET'S TALK, CHICAGO.

So jai and I are watching Star Trek (um, again, stfu), and I have ( a question for people who are better at time travel than I am )

In other news, jai is the BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER you are all so jealous.

I don't know if I mentioned, but today is the day I leave the Far Frozen North (no, seriously, there was snow on my porch this morning. WTAF?) and hie me down to the big city, where I will collect my GIRL. ♥! And we will have shenanigans and ridiculousness and also a concert with those fellows in Fall Out Boy (I heard that the loud one with all the tattoos loves the short one in the hat). And then I get to drag jai back to the Far Frozen North with me and keep her for a week! \o/

So, you know. If you're looking for me—or her, for that matter—that's where we'll be.

NOTE: The kindergarteners have a bird. It's bright blue parakeet, about six inches long from beak to tail-tip, and it flies freely around the classroom. Most of the time it ignores me, except for one day a few weeks ago when it decided my shoulder was the BEST place to sit. The kids love it, and mostly everything is fine.

Mostly.

SCENE: Monday morning, 10:30 AM. Kindergarten.

N00BLES and etben are teaching a class. THE BIRD is flying around the classroom, landing from time to time on a desk or a strategically-placed branch. THE KIDS are mostly paying attention to the lesson.

N00BLES: (in French) What is that bird doing?

etben turns to look at the bird, who rubs itself frantically against a lamp, its cage, and then a child's head.

etben: (in French) ...exactly what you think it's doing.

N00BLES: :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUT BUT BUT

etben: WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING THIS NOW LET'S SING A SONG.

*

SO YES. Masturbating parakeet: check! I mostly managed to stifle my giggles; n00bles was less successful, but he has a tendency to laugh awkwardly for no real reason, so I don't think anybody noticed.

GUYS. MY LIFE IS A DUE SOUTH STORY. WHAT. I mean, I guess at least it's a good story? But still. WHAT.

*

In news that has nothing to do with masturbating birds, it is almost the end of the school year! I have to admit that I am pretty excited. Eight more days of classes (not that I am counting), and for a week of that I will have my jai with me! \o/

I am less excited about packing up all my worldly possessions, but...still kind of excited, actually! I like putting things in boxes, okay. BOXES ARE RAD.

Other things that I am excited about: FOB in MSP!, going to CHICAGO for a few days, going HOME for a few days, summertime!, all the middleman fic that I am going to write once my off-brand claritin kicks in. And also the lentil soup that I am going to make just as soon as I wake the rest of the way up. I was hiding in my room from n00bles and C and n00bles' ladyfriend, because they wanted to go be social and I really did not...but then I, um, fell asleep.

IN CONCLUSION MY LIFE IS RIDICULOUS AND YOU SHOULD COME TALK TO ME ABOUT STUFF.

I AM GOING TO START KILLING PEOPLE WITH MY MIND.

Seriously, I do not know what the hell is so complicated about "everybody goes to the cabins now." Are you a human being? THEN THAT MEANS YOU, KITTEN.

If I could invent anything, it would be a machine that detects the presence of "oh, they can manage without me for a while" and similar thoughts and PUNCH THE PERSON THINKING THAT CRAP IN THE FACE. The fact that I am capable of running this entire camp with a head cold and both hands tied behind my back does not actually excuse you from doing your goddamn job.

Also if S and B sneak off for makeouts one more time I swear to god I will stab them. Check the clock: does it say KISSING O'CLOCK? Then GET YOUR FOOL ASSES BACK TO WORK.

IN CONCLUSION, >:(

thank fuck this is the last one of these; i am seriously reaching critical mass of cranky

Okay, so I am the latest EVER to this particular party, I know, but WHO WANTS TO TALK WITH ME ABOUT THE MIDDLEMAN? Acceptable topics of discussion include but are not limited to: shenanigans; how much more kissing there should be; the utter dearth of good MM fic; the way they TOTALLY MADE A GLORYHOLE JOKE; IDA; how much I love Wendy Watson's face; how much I love Wendy Watson's everything; how much I love Lacey; how much I love the Middleman himself; how much I love every other aspect of this show; \o ART CRAWL!; and TROUT.

Also you should feel free to tell me what to write, because if the fic is not out there I WILL JUST HAVE TO RESOLVE THAT PROBLEM MYSELF. *is resolved*

So the weird thing about my life right now (or, well, ONE of the weird things) is that, despite not actually owning a TV or knowing anybody around here who does, I am watching a fuckton of TV shows. FAR OUT! Mostly this is because I have reliable internet and a tendency to come home from work and want to collapse and be brainless and maybe knit. And listening to TV is good for that!

So here, in lieu of any content, have a ( TV ROUNDUP POST )

in other news, anybody want a dreamwidth code? I have a few, and while I suspect that people have asked me for them I cannot for love or mercy remember who.

[x-posted to lj]

1. I am on dreamwidth! Mostly still poking around; probably won't say anything of import for a while while I get settled. Add me, don't add me—just drop me a line if I know you and haven't found you yet. (especially if you have changed your name!) Will be crossposting for a while, I think? so there's no real need to follow me both places.

2. The weather here (in the northwoods. Not at Dreamwidth. There is no weather on the internet.) is absolutely glorious. Mid-sixties! in APRIL! I totally walked to the office today to see if I had mail, and it was so wonderful out that I totally didn't care about my utter lack of mail.

3. I have been being BEAUTIFULLY organized this week, and we now have a daily kitchen schedule that actually looks like it won't kill anybody! Or, well, won't kill anybody more than camp usually kills people. Which—let's not lie, camp is pretty intense. But in the good way!

My boss hasn't emailed me back to mock my OCD yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

4. Real life nonsense: I am still waiting to hear back from the Last Grad School, who have waitlisted me. On the one hand, they are a totally awesome program and my first choice in every conceivable way, and if they accept me and it is not a total financial shitstorm I will be there in a microt. On the other hand, I can't lie: it is kind of frustrating to have to keep waiting. "I don't know! Um, stuff?" is not a good answer to "What are you doing next year?"

On the OTHER other hand, I applied for a job that is not exactly relevant to my interests but pretty darn close, and just yesterday got the good word that I should hear some kind of response within two weeks! And of course it is entirely likely that I will get a polite "no thanks", or that I'll get a rigorous round of interviews and then a polite "no thanks", but still. I like timelines!

5. In other news (and because I know what the girls like), I can now no longer buy bras at Target, because they don't stock 32DD. Which—I know it is all about my ribcage, and that my boobs have not actually gotten bigger? But double letters seem so ominous. WHAT THE HELL, COULDN'T YOU SHARE THE ONE LETTER BETWEEN YOU? Greedy.

Amazon Rank

Disgusting. Hope you enjoy losing business, Amazon.

Context is here and here, and a list of books affected is here

"wait. shit. WHY IS THERE A MONKEY?"