Poll #1424476 many other Americans are suspicious of it
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Vernors!

GUYS, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE CORRECT RESPONSE TO THIS QUESTION.

Since getting home at about 2pm today, I have ( been, um. BUSY. )

Guys, I don't even KNOW what's going on. Or, well, I do: I have to be OUT OUT OUT of this apartment tomorrow, and even though my flight doesn't leave until 4pm (and my last class of the day ends at 11:30), I am being UBERtidy just in case something disastrous occurs and I, like, lose all capacity for rational thought. I have a to-do list for tomorrow that includes such STAGGERINGLY INSIGHTFUL instructions as go to school (take stuff back!). Because, you know, I'm totally going to forget to do that.

Dear hindbrain: there is nothing left to wash! now will you kindly SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP.

BUT now I am going to take the tea I just made myself and sit on the (functional!) futon in my PJs and read Middlesex. For all that it is not actually a book about the True Love of Wendy Watson, her roommate, and her boss, it is pretty awesome! So that's nice.

Also, ATTENTION CHICAGO: I am going to hit your fair city like an awesomenado (a tornado made of awesome!) sometime around 8pm tomorrow evening! I have non-negotiable Things going on Thursday morning, and unspecified Shenanigans (involving at least impertinence and inbetweendays, but theoretically open to all!) for...I think we said Thursday evening? and then I have a bus out of town on Saturday afternoon. In between then, we should totally hang out! My goals for this span of time include but are not limited to: going to a diner, eating sushi, drinking alcohol, hanging out, making shoemaster watch The Middleman, and being ridiculous. LET'S TALK, CHICAGO.

So jai and I are watching Star Trek (um, again, stfu), and I have ( a question for people who are better at time travel than I am )

In other news, jai is the BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER you are all so jealous.

I don't know if I mentioned, but today is the day I leave the Far Frozen North (no, seriously, there was snow on my porch this morning. WTAF?) and hie me down to the big city, where I will collect my GIRL. ♥! And we will have shenanigans and ridiculousness and also a concert with those fellows in Fall Out Boy (I heard that the loud one with all the tattoos loves the short one in the hat). And then I get to drag jai back to the Far Frozen North with me and keep her for a week! \o/

So, you know. If you're looking for me—or her, for that matter—that's where we'll be.

NOTE: The kindergarteners have a bird. It's bright blue parakeet, about six inches long from beak to tail-tip, and it flies freely around the classroom. Most of the time it ignores me, except for one day a few weeks ago when it decided my shoulder was the BEST place to sit. The kids love it, and mostly everything is fine.

Mostly.

SCENE: Monday morning, 10:30 AM. Kindergarten.

N00BLES and etben are teaching a class. THE BIRD is flying around the classroom, landing from time to time on a desk or a strategically-placed branch. THE KIDS are mostly paying attention to the lesson.

N00BLES: (in French) What is that bird doing?

etben turns to look at the bird, who rubs itself frantically against a lamp, its cage, and then a child's head.

etben: (in French) ...exactly what you think it's doing.

N00BLES: :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUT BUT BUT

etben: WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING THIS NOW LET'S SING A SONG.

*

SO YES. Masturbating parakeet: check! I mostly managed to stifle my giggles; n00bles was less successful, but he has a tendency to laugh awkwardly for no real reason, so I don't think anybody noticed.

GUYS. MY LIFE IS A DUE SOUTH STORY. WHAT. I mean, I guess at least it's a good story? But still. WHAT.

*

In news that has nothing to do with masturbating birds, it is almost the end of the school year! I have to admit that I am pretty excited. Eight more days of classes (not that I am counting), and for a week of that I will have my jai with me! \o/

I am less excited about packing up all my worldly possessions, but...still kind of excited, actually! I like putting things in boxes, okay. BOXES ARE RAD.

Other things that I am excited about: FOB in MSP!, going to CHICAGO for a few days, going HOME for a few days, summertime!, all the middleman fic that I am going to write once my off-brand claritin kicks in. And also the lentil soup that I am going to make just as soon as I wake the rest of the way up. I was hiding in my room from n00bles and C and n00bles' ladyfriend, because they wanted to go be social and I really did not...but then I, um, fell asleep.

IN CONCLUSION MY LIFE IS RIDICULOUS AND YOU SHOULD COME TALK TO ME ABOUT STUFF.

I AM GOING TO START KILLING PEOPLE WITH MY MIND.

Seriously, I do not know what the hell is so complicated about "everybody goes to the cabins now." Are you a human being? THEN THAT MEANS YOU, KITTEN.

If I could invent anything, it would be a machine that detects the presence of "oh, they can manage without me for a while" and similar thoughts and PUNCH THE PERSON THINKING THAT CRAP IN THE FACE. The fact that I am capable of running this entire camp with a head cold and both hands tied behind my back does not actually excuse you from doing your goddamn job.

Also if S and B sneak off for makeouts one more time I swear to god I will stab them. Check the clock: does it say KISSING O'CLOCK? Then GET YOUR FOOL ASSES BACK TO WORK.

IN CONCLUSION, >:(

thank fuck this is the last one of these; i am seriously reaching critical mass of cranky

Okay, so I am the latest EVER to this particular party, I know, but WHO WANTS TO TALK WITH ME ABOUT THE MIDDLEMAN? Acceptable topics of discussion include but are not limited to: shenanigans; how much more kissing there should be; the utter dearth of good MM fic; the way they TOTALLY MADE A GLORYHOLE JOKE; IDA; how much I love Wendy Watson's face; how much I love Wendy Watson's everything; how much I love Lacey; how much I love the Middleman himself; how much I love every other aspect of this show; \o ART CRAWL!; and TROUT.

Also you should feel free to tell me what to write, because if the fic is not out there I WILL JUST HAVE TO RESOLVE THAT PROBLEM MYSELF. *is resolved*

So the weird thing about my life right now (or, well, ONE of the weird things) is that, despite not actually owning a TV or knowing anybody around here who does, I am watching a fuckton of TV shows. FAR OUT! Mostly this is because I have reliable internet and a tendency to come home from work and want to collapse and be brainless and maybe knit. And listening to TV is good for that!

So here, in lieu of any content, have a ( TV ROUNDUP POST )

in other news, anybody want a dreamwidth code? I have a few, and while I suspect that people have asked me for them I cannot for love or mercy remember who.

[x-posted to lj]

1. I am on dreamwidth! Mostly still poking around; probably won't say anything of import for a while while I get settled. Add me, don't add me—just drop me a line if I know you and haven't found you yet. (especially if you have changed your name!) Will be crossposting for a while, I think? so there's no real need to follow me both places.

2. The weather here (in the northwoods. Not at Dreamwidth. There is no weather on the internet.) is absolutely glorious. Mid-sixties! in APRIL! I totally walked to the office today to see if I had mail, and it was so wonderful out that I totally didn't care about my utter lack of mail.

3. I have been being BEAUTIFULLY organized this week, and we now have a daily kitchen schedule that actually looks like it won't kill anybody! Or, well, won't kill anybody more than camp usually kills people. Which—let's not lie, camp is pretty intense. But in the good way!

My boss hasn't emailed me back to mock my OCD yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

4. Real life nonsense: I am still waiting to hear back from the Last Grad School, who have waitlisted me. On the one hand, they are a totally awesome program and my first choice in every conceivable way, and if they accept me and it is not a total financial shitstorm I will be there in a microt. On the other hand, I can't lie: it is kind of frustrating to have to keep waiting. "I don't know! Um, stuff?" is not a good answer to "What are you doing next year?"

On the OTHER other hand, I applied for a job that is not exactly relevant to my interests but pretty darn close, and just yesterday got the good word that I should hear some kind of response within two weeks! And of course it is entirely likely that I will get a polite "no thanks", or that I'll get a rigorous round of interviews and then a polite "no thanks", but still. I like timelines!

5. In other news (and because I know what the girls like), I can now no longer buy bras at Target, because they don't stock 32DD. Which—I know it is all about my ribcage, and that my boobs have not actually gotten bigger? But double letters seem so ominous. WHAT THE HELL, COULDN'T YOU SHARE THE ONE LETTER BETWEEN YOU? Greedy.

Amazon Rank

Disgusting. Hope you enjoy losing business, Amazon.

Context is here and here, and a list of books affected is here

"wait. shit. WHY IS THERE A MONKEY?"

Poll #1378754 up the hoo-hah!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

"yin yang" as a term for the vagina:

I spent this weekend...

context is: I am a terrible person, but clearly not as terrible as some of the people who have already been allowed to name children. I'm just saying!

etben: actually you know what i was going to do, if it had been on a workable weekend?
shoemaster: what?
etben: i was going to pretend not to be going, and be sad about it, and SECRETLY REGISTER and get liz and tracey to keep my name off all of the public lists
etben: and it was going to be this BIG HUGE SURPRISE
shoemaster: that would have been amazing
etben: I KNOW RIGHT?
etben: like, i would have been able to surprise YOU and JAI and FUCKING EVERYBODY
shoemaster: but also now I'm going to be secretly convinced that's what you ARE doing
etben: but sadly i actually do have to work this weekend
etben: god i just WISH
shoemaster: and then cry into my vodka when you aren't there
shoemaster: SO YOU SAY
shoemaster: SO. YOU. SAY
etben: DUDE I WILL TEXT YOU PICTURES OF MY FACE
etben: COVERED IN SNOW
etben: AND CRYING
shoemaster: HOLDING A NEWSPAPER
etben: lol thinks we have newspapers here
etben: NEWSPAPERS ARE FOR PLACES THAT HAVE NEWS

But I do have work*, and I am not a stealthy ninja, so I will be up here in the snow without even any vodka to console me. WOE AND SADNESS. But I hope you all have a great time! Take pictures and text me stories and then in 2011 I'll pull a janet_carter and convince you all that I was there the entire time. GO GO GADGET AWESOMESAUCE.

* and actually we also do have newspapers; they just don't come here on their own, so if I want my small-town Minnesota news I have to go and get it. Or, you know. Stop by the office.

So Jai and I were sitting on the waterfront, as you do, and we noticed that a pigeon was inspecting us. COO, it said. COO.

Clearly, we realized, this was no ordinary pigeon, but in fact Ryan Rosspigeon, come to see how we liked our hotel room. (Conclusion: it is very very gay. Fortunately, so are we!)

This ridiculousness led to us discussing what animals other bandom boys would be, at which point we realized that Mikeyway would, of course, be a rockfish.

[The SF Bay Aquarium has an informational plaque about rockfish, one of the ones with answers to the questions that visitors are supposedly asking. Why aren't the rockfish moving?, it asked, and went on to explain that rockfish stay very very still, pretending to be rocks. Apparently this has something to do with them finding stuff to eat? IDK, I've never found that pretending to be a rock does a lot for me on the food front, but then again I don't live underwater.

ANYWAYS. The rockfish don't move, is the point.]

Me: So, wait, does that mean that all rockfish are secretly Mikeyway?
Jai: Yes! Mikeyway is the last cylon! [NOTE: This is not true.]
Me: There are many copies, and they have a plan!
Jai: No they don't! They sit around and pretend to be ROCKS!
Me: ...I never said it was a good plan.

( In conclusion, a rockfish. :| )

( three conversations that go a long way towards illustrating how my life works. )

IN CONCLUSION, I am seriously going to murder this guy. He manages to be utterly uninteresting and also completely indefatigable when it comes to making conversation with me, despite clear and constant indications that I do not feel like talking.

Also Bossman is in Baltimore and so I am basically in charge (along with my intrepid coworkers, hooray) and I am KIND OF REALLY NERVOUS. But also excited! because on Monday I will be on VACATION with my GIRL.

So, hey, guess what: I hate being sick! Partly because of, you know, SICK, but mostly because I am really really BAD at being sick. Like, I am always utterly convinced that I am NOT ACTUALLY SICK! I'm perfectly fine! I'm actually just MALINGERING because I am lazy! ...and then I try to do something completely normal, and fail, and realize that, um, actually? I AM SICK. SHOCKER!

Fortunately Bossman was exceedingly decent and took me off of everything but cabin stuff, store stuff, and dj stuff, and since the first mostly required me to sleep in a bed and the last required me to make a playlist of bad/amazing dance tunes, I was pretty okay with it! So here's to my boss, for being an all-around decent dude.

Also I am taking tomorrow off of school; C and N00bles can suck it and do their own planning for a change. Here's hoping they don't decide to make shit up instead of doing actual research.

I was going to make a roundup post of Stuff What I Have Knitted Recently, but I find that I am too lazy to round up the photos; in lieu of that, have a meme!

( that five things thing )

in other news I LOVE ALL FARSCAPES.

So, hey, Philadelphia is pretty rad! For one thing, the airport is obscenely close to the city, and seems generally clean and well-kept. Plus, free wireless! That is never a bad thing. And also the weather was gorgeous, which I do understand is not guaranteed, but still. STILL. Like, it was actually very nice weather, not just "oh, it's only ten below! how nice!" weather. Sunshiiiiiiine, I have missed you! And then I got to traumatize a lot of people with my crazy talk of -40 weather! IT IS A REAL TEMPERATURE I SWEAR.

Also Philly has a riadsala, who purchased muffins with me! And then we wandered around and were chatty and awkward in that "hi, we know each other from the internet!" kind of way. FUN TIMES. ♥

And then of course there was the Thing I Am Still Not Discussing Online, which went...well? I think? But it's hard to be sure. I did my best to be impressive, and the people I talked to did seem to be impressed! Which was certainly a good sign. At the same time, though, everybody else was also VERY VERY IMPRESSIVE! And the big cheeses can say all the things they like about wanting to take all of us, but the fact of the matter is that they probably don't have that much space available, and so ultimately it comes down to somebody being more awesome than somebody else. SO. I'll just be over here fidgeting until March.

Aaaaaaaand now it is about time for me to get on an airplane! I'll be in Chicago for about two hours in about an hour and a half, if any of you happen to be out at O'Hare for whatever bizarre reason.

each peach
Pete/Patrick/Ashlee, Pear Liberal Studies.
15323 words, NC-17
not real! never happened! don't google yourself or those you love!

FACT: this story was sparked when lordessrenegade and I were talking about Pete/Patrick/Ashlee threesomes and how badly we wanted to read some. FACT: this story actually got going when loveyouallwrong IMed me one night and told me to tell her a story. FACT: this story would have been lost forever at least twice, except that angelsaves had chatlogs and saved my sorry ass.

FACT: all three of these wonderful ladies made this story happen, mostly by letting me write it at them a few hundred words at a time and then hounding me until I wrote more. &enablers;

FACT: impertinence read it over once it was all finished and assured me that it actually made sense to somebody who hadn't been reading along as I wrote it. ♥

FACT: longtime_lurker was kind enough to braindump a lot of Pete&Ashlee canon on me. All mistakes and fabrications are mine and not hers!

FACT: This was written for quettaser in a holiday fic exchange. UM. I hope this is what you were looking for? It kind of got away from me somewhere in the middle. /o\

*

( each peach, 1/2 )

Continued here

...which will in no way prevent me from saying it again. GO GO GADGET TALKING BOX.

( anonymity and social groups and growing pains )

For what it's worth, I'm sorry for the people who've been hurt. Please believe me when I say that bandflesh wasn't intended to be a hate meme. I don't think that's what we want to be now, either, but it's definitely true that we've acted like that in the past, and, hey: I'm sorry for that. I've never leaked flocked info to BF, but I've read it, and I've mocked it, and I'm not real proud of that.

Yeah, idk. Basically what I want to say is FUCKING N00BS AND TOURISTS, LURK MOAR AND SUCK LESS. >:(